Zoo plus Cold Equals Good!
On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, Nate and I drove up to the Milwaukee Zoo. Frankly, I don't think I've had a better time at the zoo. Seriously, this was great. It was about 32 deg. out and mostly sunny. We were one of maybe a dozen cars in the parking lot. Nearly all the animals were active (save the grizzly bear which was/is hibernating and the petting zoo animals at the farm area) and all seemed* far more calm than usual. The big cats especially, as they were all hanging out near the glass. The one tiger was out strolling the outdoor compound area and then decided to rest right next to Nate at the window: http://cetan.org/index.php?showimage=1237 We could stop for as long as we wanted at almost any window inside or out. When we visited the giraffes we were the only ones there for easily 10 minutes.
I can't wait to go back.
*I say seemed because it's hard to tell if it was really just me that was more relaxed by the whole thing. 
Lily’s First Snow
It snowed this morning and there was enough sticking to go out and have a little fun. Nate got a couple rides on the sled and Lily either was in our arms or plopped on the lawn. She was interested and pretty happy with the whole affair.
Interestingly enough, our first snow of the year Nate was born was also Dec 1st, but then it was like 12" in 1 day. We didn't take Nate outside to experience it until Dec 7th:
http://helloheather.livejournal.com/404451.html
I makes me immensely happy to have photos of both kids in the same snowsuit.
compromises and photography (part 2)
Back in May of 2009, I wrote this post:
http://www.bernhard.us/rob/blog/2009/05/18/compromises-and-photography/
It is about the compromises one makes when choosing different camera formats, in particular a digital point and shoot.
In that post I talked about the new Sigma DP-series of cameras and the Panasonic/Olympus Micro-4/3rds format as possible bridges between a point-and-shoot and a traditional SLR-style camera.
Well, a lot has happened in a year-and-a-half.
Both Panasonic and Olympus have jumped feet-first into this market, producing a number of cameras. Some retain SLR styling albeit with electronic viewfinders, and some have used the digital point-and-shoot design as a launching point. Both have also introduced a number of lenses to support this format and seem to be the current market leaders.
But since then, a number of other manufacturers have joined in the fray:
Samsung has released two models into this market with sensors larger than the Micro-4/3rds models: the NX10 (an SLR-styled camera body) and NX100 (a point-and-shoot styled body). Both are interchangeable lens cameras that have abandoned the traditional mirror/viewfinder mechanism in favor of a smaller and more compact design.
edit: Samsung has announced the NX5, a NX10 "lite" but I've not seen much on it.
Sony too has joined in releasing the (similarly named) NEX-5 and NEX-3 cameras (the NEX-3 being a few features shy of the NEX-5). Like Samsung, the sensors in these cameras are larger than Micro-4/3rds while the bodies are the smallest yet. Though, due to technical requirements, the lenses did not scale down quite as much which has lead to a fairly unbalanced "look" to the combos.
What has not come down substantially is price. These are not replacements for consumer point and shoot cameras. These are really alternatives to low-end DSLR cameras. They offer compactness of a point and shoot but not the low cost. These are more like stepping-stones into the world of interchangeable lens camera for those struggling with the idea of moving into a full-on DSLR experience.
Examples (with included kit lens): NX100: $600; NEX-5: $700; GF1: $680; G10: $450; E-PL1: $550;
Reviews, as always, are mixed and depend entirely on how you approach the idea of these cameras. As replacements for point and shoots they do very well, offering a lot of control, better image quality, and (for the most part) better response times. But they're not something you're going to slip into your shirt-pocket, nor are they available in blister packs on the end-caps in stores. This is a new market segment and things are still in flux.
Noticeably absent from the market are both Nikon and Canon. To that end, I finish this (long-winded) post.
I've been waiting to see what Canon will do (there are, of course, rumors of them entering the market) to see if our next "point and shoot" would be one of these new mirror-less interchangeable lens cameras. But in reality, waiting just for Canon is silly. In order to reduce the size of the camera body, Canon will likely have to re-design their lens mount. And with that assumed, any camera that Canon releases will require all new Canon lenses to work natively. Anyone wanting to use their existing EF or EF-S lenses will likely need an adapter (probably 2, one for each mount type) which would render the smaller camera design rather moot. A lens designed for a traditional (D)SLR will be big already; add an adapter and you might as well be using one of the small DSLR's like the Canon XS (which is very capable and is $500 w/ kit lens: less expensive than all but the Panasonic G10).
I don't know much about Nikon mounts, but I suspect a similar conundrum will present itself there too.
And so, in reality, you're free to choose from any of the manufacturers in this market segment. But you're "free" to spend a lot more money in order to utilize the functionality provided by an interchangeable lens mount in the first place.
(Yes, I'm lucky to have the chance to even contemplate such "problems," I realize this.)
So, I'm really glad to see that the market for these types of cameras appears to be growing and more companies are entering with compelling offerings. But I'm going to continue to wait until the costs start dropping (or until the used-market is sufficiently saturated!).
In the mean time, (and as a somewhat unrelated aside) I still will lust after the Canon 85mm f/1.8. I have become completely fixated on this lens. I rented one a couple weeks ago thinking I would rid myself of this irrationality. Unfortunately, it simply reinforced my desire to own one. I had so much fun shooting with it and was pleased with a number of my images...
Ah, the joys of photography.
Seven months in 30 minute increments
It wasn't planned but I'm a weekend father. I've watched my daughter grow up in 30 minute increments five days a week.
Because she wakes up so early she is, essentially, done for the day by 6:30pm. Unfortunately, I don't arrive home from work until 6:00pm. And in that time I try and change, eat dinner, say more than "hello" to 
helloheather and try and reconnect with Nate.
It's really hard to try and fit in quality Lily time as well. Most mornings I have some time, as helloheather often brings her into our room to wake me up. So, when you add it all up, I see her for about 30 minutes a day during the week. For the past two months or so I just give up dinner in favor of interacting with her and playing with Nate whenever possible. If Lily's had a rough day and not napped well, she'll be asleep before I get home so I don't see her for 24 hours.
This is a real struggle, because Lily is growing up so fast. She's been crawling for a while and is now pulling herself up to standing on nearly everything and everyone she can. She's already moving (literally) into the next big stage of her babyhood. With Nate, I had so much more time with him...I felt like I knew so much more about him by now. With Lily, I feel like a frequent visitor.
Part of my struggle too, is discovering the subtle (and not so subtle) ways she is different than Nate. I'm not so much expecting her to be like Nate was at this age; it's more that I'm surprised at the differences and feel like I should have a better understanding of who she is. This is silly, of course, because who she is is a baby constantly learning, adapting, and changing.
So, despite the cliché: the weekends matter. They matter a lot.
Chicago Photography Project – 5 Years
Tomorrow is the 5th anniversary of my lunch hour photography/exercise project. I have added a few more areas to my map (which I still need to update) but for the most part I'm still just covering the same 2 mile radius, with occasional trips on the L to see where I can go during a lunch hour.
It continues to be a fun project, and this year I've spent most of the time carrying our DSLR. This has been both a challenge and a joy.
I've also had a banner month for being featured on WBEZ.org and GapersBlock.com
WBEZ:
http://wbez.org/Daily_Photo.aspx?photoID=1377 (today)
http://wbez.org/Daily_Photo.aspx?photoID=1369
http://wbez.org/Daily_Photo.aspx?photoID=1361
GapersBlock.com
http://gapersblock.com/rearview/archives/2010/10/22/
http://gapersblock.com/rearview/archives/2010/10/12/
I'll update the map later today and dig up all the links to featured photos when I get a chance. Just getting this blog post out there is progress enough these days.
unlocked
I'm happy to have left LiveJournal for regular posting. But I miss one features: friends-only posting. The only way to do that on my blog would be to provide people with their own usernames and passwords, which is just silly.
So this summer, which has been difficult, has seen a number of draft posts written and discarded for just such a reason. (This is really why I've not been updating the blog...because I can't figure out how to say what it is that I want to say.)
And now, despite the difficulties we've had, I don't want summer to be over. I am not ready for fall. I need more time in shorts; more time at a pool or at a beach; more time being warm. I definitely need more time to visit with people. (It's only slightly ironic that I completely forgot about Valpo's homecoming this weekend. 
)
But fall is here. Schools are in session. Lives are busy. The autumnal equinox was this week and the days are already so much shorter. As a result outdoor evening activities are becoming less and less frequent. I just feel like I'm losing time while losing the light.
So it goes.
warmth
It's not always easy, commuting for more than two and a half hours a day. That's a lot of time spent away from home; away from family; away from what I want to be doing.
So, while Nate and I were outside in the twilight of the evening, enjoying the campfire we put together in the backyard, I was able to reflect a bit on what living where we do provides for us. I'm happy at and in my home; warts, responsibilities, commutes, campfires, and all.
Summer
There is a specific type of sadness in the cricket's call. It sounds, to me, more like a lament than a mating call.
The nights are growing longer and cooler and Summer is ending.
Expansion
The major north/south road to our neighborhood is loaded with construction this summer (and next) but this is a good thing.
Not only are they putting in turn lanes and lights at much needed locations, they’re also building a bike path from, essentially, the high school to Veterans Acres Park. Which means we’ll (eventually) be able to ride our bikes on neighborhood roads almost the entire way to the park with only a short section of a “can-be-busy” road to ride on.
But it’s a bit of a ways off...not until next summer will the bike path be ready, baring any more delays from weather or labor disputes.
The one down side to all this construction was the need to remove a lot of trees along Walkup. Some of the trunks were easily 5 feet in diameter and the loss has removed a lot of shade and beauty from the roadway. So, that’s a bummer. Maybe they’ll plant some new trees along the bike path (one can hope).
Overall progress can be tracked on the construction project’s website:
http://www.walkuproad.info/
Nathan at Four
Today Nate turned four years-old and, unlike many days in the past month, it wasn't as difficult as it could have been. Summer camp actually went well, without us getting a phone call or a note sent home; there were only two or three complete meltdowns without the slightest provocation; and there was very little talking back.
I'm not sure what happened to my little boy, but something significant has changed. Maybe it's the age, maybe it's the pressure from Lily's birth, maybe it's the sudden discontinuation of naps, maybe it's something we're doing wrong. Or maybe it's all of those things and more.
I've not written anything in a long while for a myriad of reasons, but mostly because I don't have anything to say that wouldn't sound selfish and lame. There is no doubt that, compared to a huge percentage of the world, I am a very, very blessed man. And for me to complain about our problems at home or my problems at work seems arrogant at best. But that doesn't make the struggle any less of a struggle.
I love him so very much. I wish I could figure out what's wrong and help him (and us) through this change. But most of the time I am floundering and gasping for air.
We're still trying though.
Edit/Update: It seems really unfair of me to focus on just this past month and just the problems of this past month at that. I'm going to write something more balanced in a couple days.
the hits keep coming
I was going to write about our day, but I decided that this is a better description...
Lily update
Lily had her 1 month check-up yesterday. She's now up to 10 lbs exactly and has grown to be 21.5 inches long. The doctor was impressed.
Evenings continue to be a struggle but for the most part she's a pretty content baby. She (of course) has recognized helloheather from very early on, but now recognizes Nate (and looks for him if he disappears from her field of view) as well as me.
She's also starting to recognize objects from around the house. The old clock in the family room, the bird mobile above her changing table.
Things are happening more quickly than I remember with Nate. I'm surprised, honestly surprised, that she's now a month old.
four at four weeks
Lily is four weeks old today. I've been back at work for two weeks now and life has proven to be...challenging.
I'm still amazed that we have another child. It feels so different from when Nate was a newborn: helloheather and I could concentrate 100% on him when we wanted to. With Lily, I feel a lot like the 3rd wheel (despite clearly being the 4th...) in our family. Nate takes a lot of energy and time and with Lily nursing, there's very little time for me to spend with her.
In many ways, she feels like a stranger. It doesn't help that I don't get much of a chance to photograph her. I think with Nate I got to know him, in part, by simply observing and photographing him. And it doesn't help that, most nights, she cries from about 6pm (when I get home) until about 10pm.
But last night she was content and happy. Last night she fell asleep in my arms (and against my chest) as I walked around while helloheather and Nate ate dinner. And last night helloheather took some photos of us.
We're having a visit from friends a couple times next week, which will be great. Then Lily's baptism-combination-Mother's-Day-celebration with family on the weekend.
And we will see how the next month progresses. I'm hopeful we can help Lily adjust more in the evenings and figure out how we can become a better family of four.
Lillian Claire photos
Lillian Claire Bernhard
Born: April 2nd
Weight: 7lbs 14oz
Length: 19"
I'm working on a larger post about Lillian's birth but it's been slow going. I have, however, been able to upload photos from our stay in the hospital. No captions yet, but I'm working on those.
http://bernhard.us/photos/v/family/lillian/lillian-birth/
wherein life stresses me out…
It's been a complex and difficult couple of weeks.
We've had a family member pass away suddenly and unexpectedly. We've had other family members hospitalized and/or have medical procedures. We've had family members lose their jobs. We've had medical problems ourselves, some of which are still unresolved.
We have stress thinking about the pending birth of our second child (a child who still doesn't have a name) and the changes that will bring.
Oh, and our cat is sick. She has to be put on an even more special food than what she's already been taking and will start getting cortisone shots which, if the diagnosis is wrong, could actually make things worse.
I'm trying to think positively though. I'm still employed and financially things are improving for the company. Also the company went 100% business casual which is a nice change. The weather has been improving and I've been able to get out during lunch. Also bernhard.us et al will be migrated to new servers in a couple weeks which should make things much faster and more stable.