Productivity
We worked in the yard a bit today. Nathan helped quite a bit.
We ended up getting quite a bit done on the back planting bed. It was a great feeling. Nathan was very content to play in the mulch and attempt to stab himself with various gardening implements.
Photos of Nathan – December and January
From the "Better late than never" department....
I have uploaded photos of Nathan (and family) from December (with captions)
http://www.bernhard.us/photos/nathan-122006
and photos of Nathan (and friends and family) from January (currently without captions)
http://www.bernhard.us/photos/nathan-012007
Nathan at 10 months
It's hard to believe the explosive rate of change Nathan has been exhibiting in his tenth month. There have been so many changes and developments that I'm afraid I'm losing track.
After he learned how to crawl he very quickly (within two days) was able to pull himself into a standing position using table legs, couches, coffee tables, our legs, doors, pretty much any surface taller than (or more vertical than) floor level. His proficiency in doing this has become so high that it would appear he's been doing it his whole life. He's working on getting better at moving to a sitting position from standing and already has shown marked improvement.
He's also been letting go of the things he uses to haul himself up with. Last night he stood, unaided, for four or five seconds. This is amazing to us.
Two weeks ago Nathan, with only two attempts, was able to climb a single step up from a sunken living room to the kitchen in the house of 
helloheather's mom and step-dad. He just crawled over to it, grabbed hold and hauled himself up as though he knew in advance exactly what he was going to do.
At the end of March, we took Nathan to the park and for the first time put him in a swing. It was a cold and damp day but he didn't seem to mind. He had a blast, especially when crazy daddy would "zoom" to him on the downward leg of the swing.
This past weekend he was able to spend time with torapines with whom he seemed completely enamored. He would give her such piercing looks and smiles; I think he was trying to show off in some cases...it was very cute. At one point, torapines raised her hands up and with a big smile said "yaaaaaay!" He immediately mimicked her. Every time she would do this, he would follow with both the same tone of voice and waving his arms around. It was wonderful to see.
Feeding him "solid" food has become a bit of a challenge. He's discovered that making raspberries while eating is a great way to spread his food from mouth to parent, and onto everything in-between. It's as if he's carpet-bombing the area with food droplets. But the interesting thing about this behavior is that he's actually trying to slurp the food off the spoon and that sometimes he just gets confused and blows out instead.
As helloheather pointed out in a recent blog entry, he has experienced the joy of being upside-down and now wants to be upside-down all the time (when picked up). From your arms he will throw himself backwards in an attempt to communicate this desire. But if you're not expecting it it can be very startling. Even though I now have learned to expect it, I still find it a bit stressful. Here's my child trying actively to experience gravity it one of the most abrupt ways available to him...I feel like I should carry him around wrapped in some sort of airbag suit...
In order to bring things full circle, I'll leave you with this: Because pulling himself up to a standing position has replaced jumping as Best. Activity. Ever., he's very excited to have helloheather or I hold his hands and allow him to "walk" all over the house. He walks in that typical "on the toes" baby sort of way, it's very cute. He receives so much joy from this activity and it makes us both very happy to see him so engaged.
a quiet moment
Saturday evening, after Aaron, Serena, and Charlotte had left and after the sun had set, Nathan and I were in the living room playing. As he usually does, he was crawling all over the place, paying particular attention to his little toy piano. Watching him while lying on my stomach on the floor, I was experiencing quite a bit of melancholy.
A rather heartfelt and simple song by Kate Walsh came up on the playlist on the stereo and Nathan paused in his play. He sat calm and quiet for a bit, looking around and looking at me. He sometimes does this when we're listening to music, especially with acoustic songs...just sits and listens. It was during this song that, for whatever reason, I was feeling my lowest.
As if to counter-point my feelings, Nathan did an extraordinary thing. He looked right at me and clapped his hands. Just like that, just at that moment...
I was overwhelmed with emotions. I didn't move a muscle, to see if perhaps I had been mistaken or if I had somehow misinterpreted what he had done...and so he did it again. And again. He just looked at me and clapped in that i-just-learned-how-to-clap sort of way.
As feelings of love, wonderment, and excitement washed over me, I still didn't move. I didn't call for helloheather (who was in the next room) nor did I pick him up and hug him. I didn't want to break the spell, I didn't want the moment to end.
It's truly bizarre how something so small can have such a profound impact on my psyche. As Nathan approaches his tenth month I can only hope to have more of these amazing moments.
Easter Weekend 2007
Easter weekend was generally pretty good. It was far colder than I had hoped, but at least there was no snow or rain.
hilhas1 and gonj came up and stayed with us this weekend, which is always fun. hilhas1, with only a few nuggets of information from helloheather and I, was able to make a number of tremendous discoveries regarding my family tree on both my mom and dad's side. It was quite amazing to see her work through census data and draw these connecting lines.
Saturday evening helloheather's dad and step-mom came over for dinner. Prior to that gonj and I and helloheather's dad tried out gonj's RC craft. It is designed to travel over the ground, fly, and go over water. It was rather difficult to control and we ended up hitting pretty much every tree or bush in the area. In other words, lots of fun.
Easter Sunday was spent at my aunt and uncle's near Rockford. We arrived over an hour late because Nathan was sleeping and we felt he needed the sleep more than he needed to be woken up and hauled around in the car. He might have gone back to sleep in the car, but we didn't want to chance it. As it turns out he was all full of energy for family when we arrived, so hurray for a good decision on our part.
Interestingly, for the first time (that I can remember) he cried because he didn't see either helloheather or I. When we arrived, everyone else was finishing eating, so my mom held Nathan while we load up our plates. But after losing sight of us for a bit (and I'm sure seeing all the unfamiliar faces), he became upset. It breaks my heart to see him sad, but I realized that this is another important step in his development. I'm amazed at how quickly he is growing up.
I know mommy and you sir, are no mommy.
Nathan has slowly but surely started showing a distinct preference for helloheather these past couple weeks. It started off simply as times when he was tired or hungry (or, in most cases, both). But the attitude has spread to other areas of his life. When I was trying to feed him sweet potatoes and apple sauce the other night, he kept looking across the table to helloheather, with imploring and pleading eyes all the while moaning. One morning, when getting ready for work, he was sitting and staring (and yes, smiling) at me from the floor. But as soon as helloheather came back into the room, he scrambled over to her legs, grab on, and try to pull himself up.
Logically I know this was bound to happen. I see him only a few hours a day, while helloheather is with him nearly every waking moment. And he does greet me with gusto when I arrive home from work, which is always a joy. Sometimes he really works himself up into a frenzy of happiness, rolling around or grabbing onto whatever he can and squeezing. His emotional responses are very strong.
There are times that I feel that fatherhood has turned me into a sack of crazy. Other times, though, I think perhaps it's simply thrown the crazy into sharp relief. The worry, the stress, the over-protectiveness is entirely a product of my own mind. I wish I could figure out a way to turn down whatever it is in my subconscious that feels I need this. Because I really don't think I do. However, it comes as naturally to my day as drinking water. "Hey, it's been an hour or so since you've had a worry...why not stress about how Nathan doesn't use you as a jungle-gym?"
I know that, while my brain is wrapped up in this nonsense, I'm not remembering the really important stuff. Like how he looks when he figures something out, or how he used to be when he was just a few months old. How he used to look without teeth (what a strange concept that seems now) or how he used to lay so calm next to me when I read him books. I have all these precious memories being covered with mold and slowly rotting away thanks to the climate of my subconscious.
St. Patrick is the patron saint of crawling
This past weekend, helloheather, Nathan, and I headed to Indianapolis. I took Friday off in order to give us enough time to drive down with frequent (if necessary) stops for Nathan. We both would much rather travel during the day than at night...and it's never, ever fun to try and drive out of Chicago at 5pm on a Friday.
After arriving we headed down to somebodystrange and davesanngel's new house south of Indy for food and seeing both new puppies and everyone who traveled so far to be there. We drove into town with the light fading but it showed me that I would love to head back there in the evening with a camera and a tripod. I think the textures and forms would fit right into the minimalism that seems to be most prevalent in my photography.
Staying with hellohilary and gonj was good, as it always is. They have a really nice place. Gonj and I got in a few games of Project Gotham Racing 3 on the XBOX 360. I was hoping the weather would be a little warmer that I could take Nathan out in the stroller for a bit of a walk, but it remained cool. His napping schedule prevented us from being able to eat and drink at the Broad Ripple Brew Pub (oh scotch eggs how I miss thee) on Saturday, but everyone came over after lunch and visited.
Saturday night was another great St. Patrick's day party at Paul and Sue's. Child-wrangling (as helloheather pointed out in her entry) has certainly changed our parties. Had I not been sick I would have had at least a couple of beverages, but sadly this was not to be. Gone, I fear, are the days of drinking and smoking cigars until 3am on the back porch.
But the big news of the weekend was that Nathan learned how to crawl. He demonstrated it fully that evening when, attracted by St. Patrick's Day beads on a necklace, he scooted across the floor to grab them. Not just once, but many times. It was quite amazing to see and he was clearly happy to do it. I find it very fitting that, surrounded by our friends and our group tradition, Nathan transitioned to another stage in his life. And at the same time, it made me wish we all lived closer together, so that we could more often experience both important and mundane events.
Here, for the first time, we present a Dramatic Reenactment of that very first crawl:
Since then he's only gotten stronger, faster, better...he has the technology...
I just hope I have the energy!
It’s impossible to aim a duck to death
The title of my post comes from a "fortune" cookie I opened Monday night. I don't know when fortune cookies stopped actually giving you a fortune and instead just give you "advice" that makes most daily horror-scopes look like "War and Peace," but it's damn annoying.
It seems like every time I re-commit myself to blogging and to making sure I read (and comment on) the blogs of friends and family, some sort of roadblock is thrown up in my path. I'm not sure if I'm either not getting the "hint" or if it's meant to be a struggle I can overcome. The problem here is that this most recent roadblock has spilled over into my photoblog. Monday's photo was the last one in the queue. Were I not able to sit down for a few minutes before dinner and upload 2 new ones, cetan.org would have been a ghost town.
The recent rash of warm weather has left me a bit torn. On the one hand, it's wonderful to not have to carry a heavy coat (usually with a lighter coat underneath), hat, neck gator, gloves etc. every day. But at the same time, the snow has melted with such speed that I'm shocked every time I look outside. We've had snow covering the ground for the longest time I can remember in recent years and in just a few days, it's all but gone. Of course, in typical spring weather, the 70 degree high we had yesterday is likely to give way to up to an inch of snow tonight.
helloheather, Nathan, and I went to the "Festival of the Sugar Maple" this past Saturday. It was an hour long program put on by the McHenry County Conservation District and was a lot of fun. Nathan had a blast being carried around in his baby carrier.
Eight months in a flash
Eight months have gone by in a flash. It's rather frightening that I can hardly remember Nathan as a newborn; it just seems so long ago. I wish I could retain more and forget less. I feel like I'm losing bits and pieces of a very important story.
Though I've been saying it for a number of weeks, Nathan is very close to crawling. He can get to a sitting position from all fours, which sometimes leads him to back up while trying to get an uncooperative leg around front. He can't be placed on a bed or couch without immediately (and with reckless abandon) making a twisting and rolling break for the edge.
He's very, very strong in my arms. Turn him the "wrong" direction (by whatever criteria he uses to determine to "right" and "wrong") and he can twist out of my hands like a gyroscope. I should start calling him my little bicycle wheel.
I may have discussed this in previous posts, but I'm very torn over many of the milestones Nathan achieves. Part of me wants to rush forward, to get to the stage where he can walk around, hold my hand and I can teach, show, and help. Perhaps I'll think differently when we get there, but I long for days of Q&A. Yet, at the same time, I look upon those days with such fear and trepidation. I'm frightened of him becoming his own person, of being independent of me, of learning of my faults. I want him to stay this little boy who's happy to see anyone; who can't yet fall down the stairs or off his bike; who is still amazed at the sound of my voice as I display "new" vowel and consonant combinations.
Last night I found a toy of his, one that he'd not seen in a while, in the bottom of toy box. He sat on the floor in the living room, twisting it around and around in his hands, and I was on my stomach next to him. I leaned my head in close to his and he responded by keeping contact with me. I talked quietly with him and he seemed very relaxed. For those few minutes, with music playing lightly in the background, the rest of the world seemed to melt away. His concentration was not to be broken, except when he was satisfied with his accomplishment. Watching him explore the toy was magical. It reminded me of how I used to read to him, before he could grab the book away. When he would lie still seemingly stunned by the images of animals or toys or of boats in the ocean.
What I hope, most of all, is that moments like these do not become so infrequent as to be yet another lost memory of mine. To crawl and explore the suddenly smaller world is a powerful draw and there is no doubt that Nathan will partake. But it would be so nice if I could be there for the quiet interludes as well.
Music: M. Ward - "Chinese Translation"
Little by little…
Despite the extremely low temperatures we've been receiving, I much prefer this weather to that of winters past. The cold mean the snow stays around, it means we don't have to look at dead grass all winter but clean white covers of softness.
And coupled with this, our snowfalls have been numerous but not difficult to handle. Save that first snowfall (that all melted away anyway) we continue to receive a inch or two here and there, slowly building up a nice layer of winter. Last night we received another 3 inches or so. It's like a fresh pallet every week and I'm very happy for it.
Today the Chicagoland area will be at or near 30 deg F for the first time in a very long time. I'm going to try and make the most of it by walking. Sadly I won't be taking my new gloves with me. Following my previous post on the subject I ordered a pair of gloves from Campmor. Sadly they lasted exactly one day. By the end of just one walk, I noticed a hole in the thumb of one of the gloves. Very frustrating to say the least.
A couple weeks ago Canon sent back our A80 which was in for a (free) repair due to a faulty Sony CCD. Much to our surprise they also fixed the damaged top-plate of the camera (former damage seen here). Sadly, however, the camera has re-developed the same fault that caused it to be sent in in the first place. Dealing with Canon the first time on this issue was fairly painless, except for the fact that I was without the camera for a couple of weeks. Hopefully this will be a repeat of the previous experience.
This weekend we found out that Nathan has been exposed to RSV. While I'm very worried about him I'm very glad to have found out from the parent of the child who currently has it. That way we can keep a closer eye on Nathan should he develop symptoms (which are easily confused with a common cold).
On a lighter note, it should be noted that when I step off the train in the evenings there is now light still remaining in the sky. Deep bands of pinks and purples off to the west fill my heart with warmth and joy. It's really good to see the sun again.
First visit to the “zoo”
On Saturday, while in the middle of errands, helloheather and I stopped off with Nathan at the local PetSmart (tm). It's something I've wanted to do for a while now but kept forgetting or running out of time.
Because it was a Saturday, there were many dog owners (and their dogs) in the store. This, of course, leads immediately to problems with dogs reacting violently to the presence of other dogs. Not all, of course, but those that do are very vocal about it.
So, seeing Nathan's initial shock of walking into the canine version of Fight Club, we headed over to the fish tanks. He was fascinated with them to say the least, especially when we went over to the tanks full of goldfish. So many small shapes shimmering and moving, sometimes as a group and others seemingly in chaos is enough to attract anyones attention, let alone Nathan's. After spending some time there, we headed over to the section of birds where parakeets and finches fluttered and squawked. We were treated to a similar reaction of wonderment, and even a little surprise when a couple of the birds flew and landed on the wires of the cage a few inches from his face.
It seems like such a silly small thing but to me it was such a joy to be able to do. I feel this overwhelming responsibility to introduce the world to Nathan. Even though he doesn't comprehend what he sees, that he's able to show interest and enjoyment at observing The New fills me with happiness.
Nathan – photos from November
Photos of Nathan from November have been uploaded and captioned:
http://www.bernhard.us/photos/nathan-112006
I'm slowly catching up 
Proof of Concept
About a week and a half ago, Nathan demonstrated to us just how much he's grown. While on our bed he rolled from his back to his front to his back. And to prove that it wasn't just a fluke, he did it again.
And then, for a number of days, he was content to stick with his usual front-to-back rolling. Until this weekend, that is.
I believe we can officially say that Nathan is mobile. He has figured out that he can use rolling to get places. Usually not very far, as he's likely to run into a toy or a piano bench or some other obstacle along the way, but mobile nonetheless.
It's a frightening prospect, this mobility. It's a big....er...step and my brain is taking a bit to come to terms with the implications.
Last week we also started Nathan on his first solid food: banana. In true fashion, a picture is worth a thousand words. And so I present Nathan & The Banana:
He seems to be satisfied that, yes, he too can eat food like mom and dad do. But he seems less than compelled that it's something he actually wishes to continue with. Bananas may be on the back-burner for a bit.
Sharing a laugh
I've been meaning to post this photo for some time now, but it kept slipping my mind. Now that I've had some time to sort through images I rediscovered it.
somebodystrange was causing Nathan to let out peals of laughter. I think by "zooming" him to and from davesanngel but I'm not sure. Either way he was having a great time.