headlong into the future
Lily is turning 1 in just a few hours. It's hard to resolve this in my mind.
This past year has been a lot of work. I love my daughter, so very much, but I've spent so many days this past year arriving home within 20 to 30 minutes of her needing to go to sleep that I feel like I barely know her. There have been times when I've not seen her for 36 hours, despite being in the same home. And so the moment I get a bead on what she's doing, where I think she's going, she's off in another, unexpected, direction. She is head-strong & stubborn, adventurous & loving, opinionated & mischievous. She is our daughter and she is Nate's sister.
Happy Birthday, Lillian Claire. I know this next year will be as interesting as the first. My only wish is that you and I can connect and get to know each other a lot more.
tentative first steps
Lily has started walking. (Cue old fears re: head bonks).
At least, I'm calling it walking. She's taking 2 or 3 steps from either our hands to supports (tables, chairs, walls, etc) or from object to object. She's able to stand on her own—when she thinks about it—for about 20 seconds or so. But usually she just slowly collapses as she forgets she's not leaning against anything.
So, she's very keen to be mobile. She's very keen to do a lot, actually. She wants any food item we have; wants to be constantly told about the art and object hanging on our walls, cabinets, and fridge; does not want to sit on your lap unless she's really tired or sad; wants to put anything she can pick up into her mouth, but in particular any of Nate's matchbox or similar cars; wants that stuffed toy on the shelf, now that one, now that other one, now that one too, and now the one that makes noise; etc.
She's inquisitive, eager, and generally (when not saddled with a cold like she is right now), a pretty happy baby.
She also really really loves Nate. And he really wants an older playmate...not there yet, but Lily is certainly on her way.
(and yet again, 
helloheather and I end up posting very similar topics on the same day by chance. Not planned, honest.)
(edit: ok, i just now...NOW...noticed that my post about Lily's birth listed her birth date as August 2nd... this post, over here. seriously. wtf?)
Lily’s First Snow
It snowed this morning and there was enough sticking to go out and have a little fun. Nate got a couple rides on the sled and Lily either was in our arms or plopped on the lawn. She was interested and pretty happy with the whole affair.
Interestingly enough, our first snow of the year Nate was born was also Dec 1st, but then it was like 12" in 1 day. We didn't take Nate outside to experience it until Dec 7th:
http://helloheather.livejournal.com/404451.html
I makes me immensely happy to have photos of both kids in the same snowsuit. 
Seven months in 30 minute increments
It wasn't planned but I'm a weekend father. I've watched my daughter grow up in 30 minute increments five days a week.
Because she wakes up so early she is, essentially, done for the day by 6:30pm. Unfortunately, I don't arrive home from work until 6:00pm. And in that time I try and change, eat dinner, say more than "hello" to helloheather and try and reconnect with Nate.
It's really hard to try and fit in quality Lily time as well. Most mornings I have some time, as helloheather often brings her into our room to wake me up. So, when you add it all up, I see her for about 30 minutes a day during the week. For the past two months or so I just give up dinner in favor of interacting with her and playing with Nate whenever possible. If Lily's had a rough day and not napped well, she'll be asleep before I get home so I don't see her for 24 hours.
This is a real struggle, because Lily is growing up so fast. She's been crawling for a while and is now pulling herself up to standing on nearly everything and everyone she can. She's already moving (literally) into the next big stage of her babyhood. With Nate, I had so much more time with him...I felt like I knew so much more about him by now. With Lily, I feel like a frequent visitor.
Part of my struggle too, is discovering the subtle (and not so subtle) ways she is different than Nate. I'm not so much expecting her to be like Nate was at this age; it's more that I'm surprised at the differences and feel like I should have a better understanding of who she is. This is silly, of course, because who she is is a baby constantly learning, adapting, and changing.
So, despite the cliché: the weekends matter. They matter a lot.
Lily update
Lily had her 1 month check-up yesterday. She's now up to 10 lbs exactly and has grown to be 21.5 inches long. The doctor was impressed.
Evenings continue to be a struggle but for the most part she's a pretty content baby. She (of course) has recognized helloheather from very early on, but now recognizes Nate (and looks for him if he disappears from her field of view) as well as me.
She's also starting to recognize objects from around the house. The old clock in the family room, the bird mobile above her changing table.
Things are happening more quickly than I remember with Nate. I'm surprised, honestly surprised, that she's now a month old.
four at four weeks
Lily is four weeks old today. I've been back at work for two weeks now and life has proven to be...challenging.
I'm still amazed that we have another child. It feels so different from when Nate was a newborn: helloheather and I could concentrate 100% on him when we wanted to. With Lily, I feel a lot like the 3rd wheel (despite clearly being the 4th...) in our family. Nate takes a lot of energy and time and with Lily nursing, there's very little time for me to spend with her.
In many ways, she feels like a stranger. It doesn't help that I don't get much of a chance to photograph her. I think with Nate I got to know him, in part, by simply observing and photographing him. And it doesn't help that, most nights, she cries from about 6pm (when I get home) until about 10pm.
But last night she was content and happy. Last night she fell asleep in my arms (and against my chest) as I walked around while helloheather and Nate ate dinner. And last night helloheather took some photos of us.
We're having a visit from friends a couple times next week, which will be great. Then Lily's baptism-combination-Mother's-Day-celebration with family on the weekend.
And we will see how the next month progresses. I'm hopeful we can help Lily adjust more in the evenings and figure out how we can become a better family of four.
Lillian Claire photos
Lillian Claire Bernhard
Born: April 2nd
Weight: 7lbs 14oz
Length: 19"
I'm working on a larger post about Lillian's birth but it's been slow going. I have, however, been able to upload photos from our stay in the hospital. No captions yet, but I'm working on those.
http://bernhard.us/photos/v/family/lillian/lillian-birth/
wherein life stresses me out…
It's been a complex and difficult couple of weeks.
We've had a family member pass away suddenly and unexpectedly. We've had other family members hospitalized and/or have medical procedures. We've had family members lose their jobs. We've had medical problems ourselves, some of which are still unresolved.
We have stress thinking about the pending birth of our second child (a child who still doesn't have a name) and the changes that will bring.
Oh, and our cat is sick. She has to be put on an even more special food than what she's already been taking and will start getting cortisone shots which, if the diagnosis is wrong, could actually make things worse.
I'm trying to think positively though. I'm still employed and financially things are improving for the company. Also the company went 100% business casual which is a nice change. The weather has been improving and I've been able to get out during lunch. Also bernhard.us et al will be migrated to new servers in a couple weeks which should make things much faster and more stable.
familial update
We received very little of the big snow fall that came through the Chicago area. In part because a lot of it was due to lake effect and in part because the storm seems to have tracked further south. But even so, people on the south side of Crystal Lake got more snow than we did, so we must have been right on the edge of a snowy band.
Nate went through a growth spurt not too long ago, where he grew over an inch in just 2.5 weeks. He was hungry all the time (no wonder) but now the appetite is more normal, so I think things have slowed.
I made a ha-ha-lame joke last night about how it's better to be European than Europoopin' and then had to explain the joke to Nate. He loved it and I'm just such a great dad, right? (You should have seen the look helloheather gave me...)
Nate's time at his new preschool seems to be going very well. A small class of kids more his age was definitely a good change. Our school-art-on-display collection is growing again, which I love. Having stuff on the cabinets, doors, etc. is so cool. When helloheather cleaned house (we had completely run out of space to display stuff) it felt so empty and naked in the kitchen.
Child number two is rapidly approaching his or her birthday. We've changed doctors (yes, somewhat late in the game) but we're both very glad we have. The previous practice was not being supportive or informative. The new doctor also delivers at the hospital 5 minutes from our house rather than the one 25 minutes away. An added bonus.
My parents (and paternal grandfather) felt the 3.8 earthquake we had in northern Illinois on February 10th. They were only 5 miles away from the epicenter though. People as far away as Madison, WI felt the quake actually, but neither helloheather or I woke up.
We did have an addition to our family, photographically speaking, at Christmas. Thanks to a generous gift, we're now the owners of a Canon T1i Digital Rebel. It's a very good upgrade to the Rebel XT that we've been using since 2006. The auto-focus is faster, the ISO range expanded, a bigger and brighter viewfinder, the shutter is quieter, and it has a big and detailed LCD. Exciting stuff.
Our Second Child
I'm very ashamed that it has taken me this long to post an ultrasound picture of our second child. In fact, I just realized I never posted anything when helloheather made the original announcement. Wow, now I feel even worse.
I had no idea that with a busy life and a busy 3 year-old, time could move so quickly.
Here's the ultrasound from 11/4/2009; a profile shot.
Nate is very excited about being a big brother. He's convinced it's a girl, but mostly I think because he knows almost no one in his peer group who has anything /but/ a little sister. I'm not so certain it's a girl, but we have been concentrating more on picking a girls name than a boys. Or, at least, there have been more...shall we say...spirited discussions of said topic.
Either way, the baby is coming and two and a half months away is no time at all. The March 29th due-date is really, frighteningly, close.
I am not sure I'm all that ready. But, I am ready to catch up on a lot of this stuff.
Nathan photos – April 2007
Slowly catching up on uploads to our gallery. Here are photos from April 2007
Photos – February and March
Photos of Nathan from February and March have been uploaded and (mostly) captioned.
Memorial Day Weekend 2007
This past weekend was a lot of fun. It started off a little shaky with us needing to drive Nathan around at 4:00 AM on Saturday trying to get him to sleep (thus preventing us from leaving early Saturday morning). He had been up every 45 minutes to an hour since midnight and the lack of sleep pushed us back to a noon departure. But Saturday was very rainy, traffic was light, and Nathan slept much of the way to the lake house.
The weather only improved during the weekend but not really enough to go swimming. We went out on the boat a couple times though and Nathan seemed worried. He didn't really like the life vest and being in the sun so much, so the trips were short. But that's not to say he didn't have any fun out there. He liked the wind blowing in his face and liked looking at people as we went by. Serena and Charlotte came up for a visit on Sunday which was fun. Charlotte is getting so big, it's hard to believe.
On Monday we went to the Wisconsin Rapids Municipal Zoo. It's a small thing with only a few animals, but Nathan was very interested. We first stopped at the petting zoom where he actually became a bit scared at the noises the baby pigs were making. As a result he was a bit unsure of the lambs, the calf, and the goat and her kid. (He would actually clutch very close to me when we'd go near one of the pens.) But he was very interested in the hen and her chicks and all the ducklings. For the rest of the zoo Nathan was happy and very engaged. When we visited the pen with alpaca, donkey, turkeys, and two very large goats, he was most happy. He kept saying "Hey!" or "Eh!!" to the goats (which were laying down near the fence). When the tom turkey would make his call and stomp his feet, Nathan would stare in fascination. Surprisingly, he was also rather interested in the large tortoise sunning itself near the door in another pen.
As the sun was setting, I decided that, even though it was too cool for swimming in the lake, Nathan should at least experience the water a bit, so I rolled up my pants legs and sat down on the steps leading into the water. Nathan loved dangling his feat in the water, kicking and splashing, and wanted to jump in.
Tuesday, on the drive back, we stopped off in Milton to see Aaron and Charlotte where we had lunch at a local diner.
All in all it was a nice respite.
10 minutes
After arriving home last night, with the skies threatening, I started mowing the lawn. (I needed to have it completed before the weekend.) The wind was tremendous and I ended up with face full after face full of grass clippings and dust. This might be a minor annoyance were it not for my allergies. I won't go into any detail, because it's not really important, but suffice it to say, my sinuses and eyes were not doing well by the end of it all.
But that's not the point of this post. The point is what happened after.
Within 10 minutes of me completing the lawn and putting everything away:
- Dinner came out of the oven
- helloheather wrapped up her gardening and moved the car into the garage
- Nathan went to sleep for an evening nap
- It started to rain
It was like some sort of dinner nexus came together and we were able to relax and eat. With the temps dropping by the minute as the rain came through, and the strong winds blowing the trees to and fro, it was really quite wonderful. I love a good spring rain and a cool spring breeze.
Later, Nathan woke up from his nap and all three of us danced in the living room to Eli Paperboy Reed's "Take My Love With You."
It was a really nice evening.